Grumblings

Have you seen the Sex in the City movie? You know when the character Charlotte swallows water in Mexico? You know the grumblings that she experienced post swallow? C'est moi, aussi, and I didn't even get to go to Mexico. I don't know what I ate or drank to make my stomach churn as it's doing now, but it's a helluva lot better than the pukey feeling I experienced all day yesterday.

I'm jumping way ahead of my little chronicles of my life with alcoholic husbands, but it's my blog and I can do whatever I want....

My second husband's ex contacted me, again, through another attorney. I won't go into details now, just suffice it to say that I don't want to have any further interactions with this woman. None, nada, rien, zip, get the idea? I have tried to take the high road through my myriad of interactions with this woman, but my patience is being tested. Really tested. Really, really tested.

I'm working on my 4th step inventory in my Al-Anon program and I'm really trying to work around my resistant, adversarial relationship with "her", but even the Al-Anon program isn't helping me now. I am pissed off. I wish she would just piss off. I wish I didn't have to keep thinking about doing the next right thing. I want to be bad, really bad and tell her to f-off. I am a better person than that. So, I won't - not now, at least.

If the Al-Anon program has done nothing else for me, it has made me very aware of my thinking, stinking as it may be. Even though I am reacting the way I really feel, nagging me in the back of my mind is the notion that I could be doing things differently, better. I am not going to make excuses for my behavior or at least my thoughts, but I have a lot of really good reasons to be so miffed, to put it politely. I really, really, really don't like thinking or acting this way. It goes against all that I am working towards.

Crap..........